i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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