I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
