They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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