Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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