i barfeds in our rink
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We are two peas in an std pod
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
