What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
