You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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