You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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