if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
