I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
