just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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