I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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