i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
pray to the hookup gods
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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