i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize