I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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