Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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