I want to have your abortion
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize