Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
