u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize