He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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