Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
