Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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