Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize