Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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