i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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