Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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