He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
