My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
