no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
