I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize