11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
