i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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