hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Never joke about your clitoris.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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