A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
