don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just want nice things and good sex
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
