I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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