its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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