everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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