Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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