he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
