sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
