Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
