mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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