grandma shit on top of the toilet
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
