he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
