I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
