we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
