But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
