So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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