Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
