So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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