I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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