She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
