i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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