i permit you to call me
i think i have two assholes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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