I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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