I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
