Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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