Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
