So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
