I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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