He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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