You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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