Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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