Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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