She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
